Why This Matters to You, the Regular Gambler
Let’s be honest, if you’re reading this, chances are you enjoy a punt. Whether it’s a flutter on the pokies, a hand of poker with mates, or a spin at a casino, gambling is a part of life for many Kiwis. You understand the thrill, the risk, and the occasional win (and loss!). But what happens when that enjoyment turns into something more serious for someone you care about? Seeing a friend or family member struggle with gambling can be tough. It’s a situation that requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to help. This article is for you, the regular gambler, because you’re likely to be the first person a struggling mate might turn to. Knowing how to respond can make all the difference. Sometimes, a bit of online fun at a place like Hell Spin is all it takes to unwind, but for others, the stakes can become much higher.
Spotting the Signs: Is There a Problem?
The first step is recognising the problem. It’s not always obvious, but there are tell-tale signs that someone’s gambling might be spiralling out of control. Look out for these red flags:
- Chasing Losses: Constantly trying to win back money they’ve lost. This is a big one.
- Increased Stakes: Betting more and more to get the same thrill.
- Financial Trouble: Borrowing money, selling possessions, or neglecting bills to fund their gambling.
- Preoccupation: Constantly thinking about gambling, planning their next bet, or reliving past wins and losses.
- Withdrawal Symptoms: Becoming irritable, anxious, or depressed when they can’t gamble.
- Lying and Secrecy: Hiding their gambling habits from loved ones.
- Relationship Problems: Gambling causing arguments, tension, or a breakdown in relationships.
- Ignoring Responsibilities: Neglecting work, family, or other commitments.
If you see a cluster of these signs in a friend or family member, it’s time to have a conversation.
Starting the Conversation: How to Approach the Topic
This is often the hardest part, but it’s crucial. Here’s how to approach the conversation:
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Pick a time when you can both talk privately and without distractions. Avoid bringing it up in the heat of the moment or when they’re actively gambling.
- Be Calm and Empathetic: Start by expressing your concern and letting them know you care. Avoid judgment or accusations. Use “I” statements, such as “I’ve noticed you seem stressed lately, and I’m worried about you.”
- Listen More Than You Talk: Let them share their feelings and experiences. Don’t interrupt or dismiss their concerns. Show that you’re genuinely listening and trying to understand.
- Focus on the Behaviour, Not the Person: Avoid making personal attacks. Instead of saying “You’re a gambling addict,” try “I’m concerned about how much you’ve been gambling lately.”
- Be Prepared for Defensiveness: They may deny the problem, get angry, or try to change the subject. Stay calm and reiterate your concern.
- Offer Support, Not Solutions: You can’t fix their problem for them. Offer your support and let them know you’re there for them, but don’t offer to lend them money or bail them out.
Providing Practical Support: What You Can Do
While you can’t solve their problem, you can offer valuable support:
- Encourage Professional Help: This is the most important thing. Suggest they talk to a therapist, counsellor, or a problem gambling service. There are many free and confidential services in New Zealand.
- Help Them Find Resources: Offer to help them research and find support services. This might include contacting the Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand or the Gambling Helpline.
- Be a Listening Ear: Let them know you’re there to listen without judgment. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can make a huge difference.
- Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no. Don’t enable their behaviour by lending them money or covering their debts. Protect your own financial and emotional well-being.
- Offer Activities: Suggest alternative activities that don’t involve gambling. This could be anything from going for a walk to playing a sport to simply hanging out and chatting.
- Stay Patient: Recovery takes time. There will be ups and downs. Be patient and supportive throughout the process.
Understanding the Role of Family and Friends
Your role is crucial, but it’s important to understand your limits. You’re not a therapist or a financial advisor. You’re a friend or family member who cares. Here’s what you need to remember:
- You Can’t Control Their Behaviour: Ultimately, the decision to seek help and change their behaviour is up to them.
- You Can’t “Fix” Them: Recovery is a journey, and they need to take the lead.
- You Need to Take Care of Yourself: Supporting someone with a gambling problem can be emotionally draining. Make sure you’re taking care of your own well-being. Set boundaries, seek support for yourself, and don’t feel guilty about prioritising your own needs.
- Don’t Enable: Avoid actions that inadvertently support their gambling, such as lending money or covering their debts.
- Celebrate Small Victories: Acknowledge and celebrate their progress, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator.
Where to Find Help in Aotearoa
New Zealand has a range of services to help those struggling with gambling problems. Encourage your friend or family member to reach out to these resources:
- The Gambling Helpline: 0800 654 655 – a free, confidential 24/7 service.
- Problem Gambling Foundation of New Zealand: Offers counselling, support groups, and resources.
- Te Hiringa Hauora: Provides information and resources on gambling harm.
- Your GP: Can provide referrals to therapists and other support services.
Conclusion: Standing by Your Mates
Helping a friend or family member with a gambling problem is a challenging but incredibly important task. By recognising the signs, starting the conversation, offering support, and encouraging them to seek professional help, you can make a real difference. Remember, you’re not alone. There are resources available to help both them and you. Be patient, be understanding, and most importantly, be there for them. Your support can be a lifeline in their journey to recovery. Kia kaha, and look after each other, eh?